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Posts Archived Under Republican Party
 Goodnight to the creature who swims in the lake. Goodnight to the killjoys who think she's a fake. |
Thursday, we noted the anniversary of Route 66, and until the federal government decommissioned it, the various highway departments in the states through which the road ran kept it in good shape. Not every such department is as fastidious, though. For example, there's the Oregon Highway Division, which on November 12, 1970, decided that the best way to destroy a rotting sperm whale that had beached itself before dying was to blow it up, an incident which led to one the greatest memes in Internet history: "the exploding whale."
While the whale parts made for a gloppy, smelly mess, the resulting patterns might well have resembled a masterpiece by Sunday's birthday boy, Claude Monet. Born in 1840, Monet was part of the revolutionary school of painting (taking its name - "Impressionism" – from of one of Monet's pictures) that was notable for depicting the effects of light on objects and places and making unique personal statements through their canvases.
Friday must be a day for creatures. In 1933, Hugh Gray took the first known photos of the Loch Ness Monster in Scotland. While some deny the existence of "Nessie," we are convinced she is alive and well.
Not so benign a creature was Joseph McCarthy, the senator who took paranoia, ignorance, and character assassination to new heights. Sunday would have marked his 102nd birthday. McCarthy was, by all accounts, an unpleasant man, and through his unceasing attempts to smear anyone who opposed him as a Communist, he managed to give his name to both an era and a political tactic. Censured by the Senate in 1954 for his actions, he eventually drank himself to death in 1957.
Almost as unpleasant as Sen. McCarthy is Yanni, the New Age musician whose calming tunes are as soporific as the situation comedies of Sherwood Schwartz. Both men celebrate their birthdays on Sunday, so perhaps Mr. Schwartz (responsible for such sitcoms as The Brady Bunch" and "Gilligan's Island") and Mr. Hrysomallis (Yanni's real name) will spend the night before their 94th and 56th birthdays, respectively, watching something more energetic, like UFC 122. (The idea of Yanni screaming himself hoarse over wrestlers is pretty delicious.)
Of course, it's possible that the men might celebrate with a trip, though we wouldn't suggest one as energetic as that begun on November 14, 1889, when pioneering female journalist Nellie Bly (aka Elizabeth Cochrane) began her successful attempt to travel around the world in fewer than 80 days, in emulation of Jules Verne's Phileas Fogg. Nellie completed the trip in a mere 72 days. An appropriate feat this week especially, as National Geography Awareness Week begins on Sunday.
Newspapers around the world covered Nellie's trip, but the BBC couldn't have - because it didn't exist. The venerable network begin its radio service in 1922, some 33 years after her voyage. They've made up for it in the decades since with continuous news and entertainment.
One of the stories we're sure they covered was the marriage of actress Carmen Electra and basketball player Dennis Rodman, wed in Las Vegas (where else?) in 1998. Unfortunately, the happy couple couldn't make a go of it, and they were divorced four-and-a-half months later.
Something else that couldn't last (in spite of surviving about 500 years) was the Inca Empire, which saw the beginning of its end in 1533, when Francisco Pizarro's Spanish conquistadors arrived in Cajamarca, Peru, to show the natives who the new bosses were - a feat not unlike that performed by single women upon single men on Sadie Hawkins Day, which debuted in Al Capp's comic strip, "Li'l Abner" in 1937. Sadie Hawkins was the "homeliest gal" in Abner's hometown of Dogpatch. When she turned 35, her father declared that there would be a race with all the town's unmarried men being pursued by its unamrried women. Any bachelor who was caught was doomed to matrimony.
We end the week by noting that Saturday is World Kindness Day, and noting the 1952 death of a woman who must have been one of the kindest people ever: Margaret Wise Brown. Brown was a writer of children's books, who, in collaboration with such artists as Clement Hurd, turned out such classics as "Goodnight, Moon" and "The Runaway Bunny," which have calmed and enriched the bedtimes of millions of children.
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 "Hey! Shouldn't you be gettin' back to work or somethin'? |
Greetings once again from The Spark. We don't know about you, but last week's epic nearly killed us in the writing, so this week's will be shorter, and, we hope, sweeter.
Monday:
Let's begin by noting that it's Ask a Stupid Question Day, created by teachers to let their students ask away without fear of mockery. We agree that the idea is a good one, for those questions may well lead to good answers, though probably not as good as the one Albert Einstein asked in 1905, when the physics journal "Annalen der Physik" published his paper "Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?" and got the answered "E=mc²." We’re not claiming to understand either the question or the answer, but physicists sure did.
That wasn't the only question answered on this day, though. In 1822, French linguist Jean-Francois Champollion announced that he had deciphered the Rosetta Stone. For those unwilling to ask, it’s an engraved slab that had been discovered in 1799 in Rashid (or Rosetta), Egypt, and combined ancient hieroglyphics with Egyptian and Greek letters. Champollion’s deciphering of the text gave archaeologists their first real means to interpret ancient pictographs. It’s been on display in the British Museum since 1802, and is the most-visited object in that institution to this day.
If you're still interested in trivia, we point you to the small town of Lancaster, PA. In 1777, it was the capital of the United States -- but for only one day. Speaking of the capital reminds us of politics, which reminds us of cartoonist Thomas Nast, born on this day in 1840. Nast was, among other things, the man who gave us the Republican elephant, the Democratic donkey, Uncle Sam, and the modern depiction of Santa Claus.
Not so jolly was Henry Ford. In 1908, Ford’s first Model T rolled off the assembly line. The automobile went on sale Oct. 1 for $825 (just under $20,000 in modern currency), but soon became a national sensation, opening up personal transportation for the masses. By 1925, Ford's assembly line technique had become so efficient, that the price of the car had dropped to $265 -- or just over $3,000 today).
Turning to television, we see that today is not only the 56th anniversary of "Tonight!" -- which soon became "The Tonight Show" hosted by Steve Allen (and today is the 90th birthday of Steve's widow, Jayne Meadows), we also see that coming up on the October 1st is the 48th anniversary of Johnny Carson taking over the "Tonight" host's chair he'd occupy for the next 29 years. Unfortunately, NBC, not sensing any historical value in the show, erased most of the tapes of the show's early years. In fact, it's only in the last couple of weeks that the audio track of the first three minutes of Carson's first show surfaced after decades of being lost. (Unfortunately, the video is still missing.) "Tonight" was a real gamble on the part of NBC executive Sylvester "Pat" Weaver (father of Sigourney Weaver, by the way), in that no one knew if anyone would stay up into the wee hours to watch TV. I think we know the answer to that particular question nowadays ... (For those who need help, though, it is National Coffee Day.)
We see that the new season of "Sesame Street" begins today, but we assume we won't be seeing any sign of Katy Perry.
Tuesday:
In 1901, Ed Sullivan was born. Sullivan came to fame in the 1920s and '30s covering Broadway and Hollywood gossip (not to mention his bitter feuds with rival columnist Walter Winchell). From 1948 to 1971, though, he became in integral part of American culture by hosting a weekly variety show that featured singers, plate spinners, ventriloquists, comedians, and everything in between in an attempt to entertain every part of the audience.
Variety shows like Sullivan's have all but disappeared from the airwaves, but there's one that began decades before his program and continues to the present day -- this day especially, as, following the tragic floods in Tennessee this spring, the Grand Ole Opry will return to its home to continue its 85-year tradition of broadcasting the finest in country music.
That's not the only show tonight, though. On PBS, Ken Burns's "The Tenth Inning" premieres, continuing his 1994 series on the history of baseball. Ironically, the show airs on the 90th anniversary of one of the game's greatest scandals: the indictment of eight members of the Chicago White Sox, who were accused of throwing the 1919 World Series to the Cincinnati Reds.
Gambling itself may be a disease, but it’s not one that can be cured with antibiotics, like penicillin, which Alexander Fleming discovered on this day in 1928. Dr. Fleming noticed that one of the molds in his lab was killing bacteria. Within months, he had released it to the world, giving doctors an irreplaceable tool in the treating of disease. (Speaking of gambling, we’d like to think we could win a bet that the transition into that paragraph was one of the most awkward ever.)
Wednesday:
On the docket today: the 110th birthday of singing cowboy Gene Autry. Autry had worked as a ranch hand in his youth, but realized his future lay in entertainment. By 1928, he was singing on the radio; by 1929, he was making records; and by 1934, he was making movies. The pictures were cheaply made, but from 1936 to 1954 (with time out for service in World War II), he was one of the top-grossing stars in Hollywood. He was able to parlay his screen fame into a broadcasting empire and ownership of the (then) California Angels. When he died in 1998 (a mere three days after turning 91), he was one of the wealthiest men in America and remains the only person with five stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Thursday:
You ever played with a Frisbee? Of course you have -- well, either a Frisbee or a generic flying plastic disc. In 1958, the Wham-O company patented the toy. It, which was originally named the "Pluto Platter," but got its present name with Wham-O executive heard that Boston college kids (who were used to sailing pie plates from the local Frisbie Pie Company) were calling the platters "frisbies," and the rest is marketing history.
We don't believe they had Frisbees in Bedrock (after all, everything in that town is made of rock, which doesn’t tend to sail real well), but if they did, we would have found out about them starting 50 years ago tonight, when "The Flintstones" premiered in prime time on ABC.
While the Frisbee and "The Flintstones" were good ideas, tonight is the chance to celebrate not-so-good ideas, as the annual Ig Nobel Prizes will be awarded for discoveries "that cannot, or should not, be reproduced." In other words, they're the gold standard for bad ideas.
In 1954, singer and actress Julie Andrews made her Broadway debut, starring in the musical "The Boy Friend," the day before she turned 19. (She, of course, turns 75 tomorrow.)
On a sadder note, it was on this day in 1955, that actor James Dean was killed in a car crash. Dean had made only a few films (though he'd made numerous appearances on live television dramas), but his personality and acting style influenced and impacted a generation of Americans and actors.
Friday:
Beginnings and endings today:
In 1890, both Yosemite National Park and Yellowstone National Park were established by the U.S. Congress.
In 1957, the words "In God We Trust" made their first appearance on U.S. paper currency. (Frankly, we were surprised it was so late in American history.)
In 1968, George A. Romero's "Night of the Living Dead" opened, beginning a cycle that has subjected audiences to an endless series of zombie and vampire movies. Talk about not dying!
For those who can't get enough Disney (in which number we do not include ourselves), in 1971, Walt Disney World opened in Orlando, FL, followed in 1982 by the EPCOT Center. EPCOT, which is an acronym for “Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow” was intended by Uncle Walt to be a testing ground for new and innovative domestic theories and products, soon turned into just another tourist trap. Oh, well; the best-laid plans of mice ...
On the same day that EPCOT opened, Sony introduced their first compact disc player (the CDP-101, which looks about as big as a Buick). While nowadays, the CD is just about as dead as vinyl, it was, in its time, beyond ultra-modern.
The farewell is from Babe Ruth. Ruth's name has come to be synonymous with baseball, and while his hitting prowess speaks for itself, he’d be a Hall of Famer for his pitching alone. He was one of the greatest left-handers of all time, winning almost 100 games in his career. In 1933, he made his final appearance on the mound, beating his former team, the Boston Red Sox, 6-5. He pitched all nine innings, giving up twelve hits (no strikeouts), and hitting a homer.
Finally, today is International Raccoon Appreciation Day. If only it were Weasel Appreciation Day, we could feel sorry for Tony Hayward, who's stepping down as the head of BP.
Saturday:
Today's birthdays include three of the greatest comedians in showbiz history. First is Groucho Marx (1890), the most verbose of the Marx Brothers, who turned insults and wisecracks into an art form. Second is Bud Abbott (1895), who partnered for years with Lou Costello, and who is generally considered the greatest straight man of all time. Last is George "Spanky" McFarland, the child actor who became the leader of the kid group known as either "Our Gang" and "The Little Rascals."
Two other birthdays are of men who couldn't be more different. 1452 saw the birth of England's King Richard III. Shakespeare painted Richard as a manipulator who lied and murdered his way to the throne, but recent reappraisals have called him either benevolent or, at worst, benign. The other is Mohandas Gandhi (1869), better known as Mahatma Gandhi, whose nonviolent policies led to the independence of India from the British Empire.
In that period of history (the late 19th century), that empire spanned the globe, so that it was the perfect atmosphere for the fictional Phileas Fogg to make his 1872 wager that he could travel around the world in eighty days. Fogg used almost every means of transportation available to him in those less-advanced times, except a hot-air balloon, which makes this week's International Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque, NM, slightly ironic.
Three anniversaries that we've tried to link, but just can't: In 1919, President Woodrow Wilson suffered a massive stroke, which left him partially paralyzed and unable to fulfill his duties, so until his recovery, the country was basically run by his wife Edith. Charles M. Schulz's comic strip "Peanuts" began running. Schulz ended the strip in 2000, and in an odd twist of fate, died the day before the last Sunday page ran.
Finally in 1959, "The Twilight Zone" premiered. Even though it ran only five seasons, it's still the gold standard for creepy television, and its guitar-riff theme song, which signifies something odd happening, is known to even those who never saw the show.
Sunday:
Let's begin the end of the week by wishing Barack and Michelle Obama a happy 18th wedding anniversary. (And just to remind you, Mr. President, porcelain is the traditional gift.)
Like the "Odd Couple" juxtaposition of Gandhi and Richard above, today's pairing is just as jarring. In 1873, Emily Post was born. She devoted her life to the gospels of etiquette and good manners. On the other hand, we have Harvey Kurtzman, born in 1902. Kurtzman gave us, among other things, Mad Magazine (the original, funny version), and his sense of humor has influenced pretty much everyone from the Pythons to the writers of the National Lampoon (again, the original, funny version), who went on to create or inspire everything from "Animal House" to "Saturday Night Live," and even David Letterman. By extension, Kurtzman influenced almost every American comedian and comedy movie of the second half of the Twentieth Century.
There are exceptions, though, such as "The Andy Griffith Show," which premiered in 1960, or "The Dick Van Dyke Show" (1961). The contrast of the two shows, with their respective rural and urban perspectives, set the standards for television comedies for the next ten years, even if they were neither particularly satirical nor Kurtzmanesque.
We'll close the week by mentioning that it’s the 15th anniversary of O.J. Simpson being acquitted of the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, and then pausing while you say, "That's fifteen years ago? Wow."
See you next time!
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Star Trek Pon Farr Perfume: With "Star Trek: The Movie" sweeping the nation's theaters and topping search spikes this week, I suppose we were all just waiting for "Star Trek: The Perfume" to come out. And so it has! Now all you sci-fi loving ladies can wow all the special Spocks and Kirks in your life with "light, clean notes of citrus, blackcurrant, lotus blossom, and water lily." Because nothing spells romance more than smelling like a desperate Vulcan.
Opportunity.gov: Meanwhile, as we humans struggle with our economic crisis, our own Federation is coming to the rescue with Opportunity.gov: a site that provides new educational opportunities to unemployed workers.
Homes for our Troops: In all my years of watching "Star Trek," I can remember only one member of Starfleet ever sustaining a major injury that left him permanently disabled. Even when Spock exposed himself to terrible radiation in order to save the Enterprise's crew at the end of "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn," he still bounced back from his "death" with nary a scratch in "Star Trek III: The Search for Spock." Unfortunately, real life hasn't been as kind to many of our troops returning from Iraq, Afghanistan, or any of our many overseas conflicts. HomesForOurTroops.org raises money and organizes volunteers to help build specially adapted homes for our severely-injured veterans. This is truly a good cause.
GradeGov.com: If you're tired of the government making decisions that you don't agree with, let your voice be heard on GradeGov.com. You can give your elected representatives a letter grade, write them a letter, and read other letters and grades from concerned citizens like yourself. Currently, Louie Gohmert (R. - TX) has garnered a grade of "A-" from his loving constituents, while Bennie G. Thompson (D. - LA) is evidently not feeling so loved with his grade of "F."
Cars for a Grand: Even if we lose our jobs and the government fails us, there's one thing we can be sure will always be around in abundance: used cars. Capitalizing on this fact, CarsForAGrand.com offers exactly what their web address implies: used cars for $1000 or less. You can search by zip code for used, crashed, parts, or restoration project cars, or you can post your own used car listing.
Suggested Sites...
- Issuu - a free magazine-publishing platform that allows users to publish online magazines that are easy and fun to read and interact with.
- Tweetmeme - tracks the most popular and most re-tweeted posts on Twitter.
- Antipodes Map - kind of useless, but kind of fun. Shows you the exact global opposite of any place on Earth.
- Map Your Name - shows on a map the popularity of personal names and family names in the USA, Europe, or Australia.
- Extreme Ice Survey - features photos and time-lapse videos of glaciers and ice caps melting. As featured on Nova.
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 Darwin and Lincoln: Together at Last |
Destiny plays funny tricks. We've mentioned our love of coincidence, and the fact that both Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin were born 200 years ago today leapt at us like a hippo at a pumpkin.
It was a challenge. To write about one and neglect the other wasn't an option, but since they never actually met, we couldn't write about their exchanges of profound thoughts on the meaning of man's place in the universe. We were stumped until someone proposed writing about "bromances;" that is, close friendships between men. So with that in mind, here’s our film pitch for the Hollywood buddy comedy "Abe and Chuck," all of which is 100% true and based on actual facts. We swear.
FADE IN:
March, 1831. Abraham Lincoln, 22 years old, strikes out to explore the mighty Mississippi River. He ends up in New Orleans, where the similarly 22-year-old Charles Darwin, a passenger on HMS Beagle, stops in the Crescent City while the ship restocks. Both men end up in a friendly saloon, and after a long night of drinking, they become blood brothers while inadvertently inventing Mardi Gras. Separating (each with a neckful of beads obtained in a PG-13 way), they agree to stay in touch. As the years pass, Darwin advances through the scientific community, advocating that by shaving monkeys and apes, they can be made useful members of Victorian society. Lincoln begins a legal and political career, first as a Whig, and then as one of the founders of the Republican Party -- which he unsuccessfully campaigns to be called the "Dude, What an Awesome!" Party.
Because Transatlantic travel is rare in the mid-19th century, their encounters are few but memorable: In 1839, they find themselves in Philadelphia and invent the cheesesteak ("The next great evolution in sandwich-making!" "You'll eat four score and seven of them!")
In Waterbury, Connecticut in 1850, their desperate attempts to consume a six-pack leads to the invention of the can opener, and a riotous 1853 weekend in Saratoga Springs, New York starts with hot-oil massages, but ends in the invention of the potato chip.
As they gain notoriety, their in-person encounters decrease, but they do plan one last spring-break blowout during Easter, 1865. Darwin’s last letter to Lincoln is an invitation to Ford’s Theatre: "C'mon, Abey-baby!," he writes. "Would it kill you to go to the theatre?"
Oops!
FADE OUT.
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 V.P. Dick Cheney |
The vice presidential candidacies of Sarah Palin and Joe Biden have turned an unusual spotlight on the potential residents of Number One Observatory Circle. We started to wonder about the veeps of campaigns past. Who were these guys?
Mostly, they were chosen to deliver their home states and remain anonymous, but some stood out for their ability to attack the opposition; for their gender; their perceived lack of readiness; or for their controversial views: Curtis LeMay wanted to start World War III, and Fielding Wright was a segregationist.
In spite of not being elected, some went on to distinguished careers. Frank Knox ran against Franklin Roosevelt, but was later appointed by him to be Secretary of the Navy. Earl Warren became Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
FDR had three VPs: "Cactus Jack" Garner, Henry A. Wallace, (whose crypto-Buddhist philosophy was too strange for the 1940s), and Harry Truman, who succeeded him.
Some candidates had unique careers. Charles Fairbanks was elected in 1904, retired in 1909, then ran again (unsuccessfully) in 1916. Nicholas Murray Butler was originally just a delegate to the 1912 Republican Convention, but took James Sherman's place when Sherman died just days before the election. Adlai E. Stevenson I served as Grover Cleveland's number two in 1892, then lost with William Jennings Bryan in 1900. In 1896, Bryan achieved something that no other candidate has managed: running on two tickets (Democratic and Populist) with two different running mates (Arthur Sewall and Thomas Edward Watson).
Of course, not every vice president is as close as Dick Cheney is to George Bush. Dwight Eisenhower didn't really get along with Richard Nixon, and Woodrow Wilson wouldn't even let Thomas Marshall relay his messages to the Senate.
The last word about the office probably comes from Garner, who famously summed it up as being "not worth a bucket of warm piss."
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