You've got to give Guy Fawkes credit. Even after being tortured, he still signed his confession with a fake name. "Remember, remember the 5th of November, gunpowder, treason, and plot...." Now, most readers of The Spark will be more than familiar with the traditional British festival of Guy Fawkes Day, but as the only current Spark contributor from the Sceptred Isle, I feel it falls to me on this most gruesome of days to set the record straight a little on this most macabre and sinister cultural event. Now, don’t get me wrong, I abhor the way the PC brigade, however well-intentioned, continually assaults our freedom to celebrate religious events for fear of offending those who may not share their particular values. However, I feel with Guy Fawkes the PC movement’s efforts should be doubled and rewarded with considerable financial backing. As I have aged and had children of my own, I have had to reassess what the event really means, and let me tell you, it sits in stark contrast to what I thought it meant 25 years ago. Take a look at this: Guy Fawkes Day What it meant to me then: A fun family evening when communities come together to share the experiences of good company, good food, and pretty fireworks. What it means to me now: The bloodthirsty Protestant glorification of the violent torture and execution of a Catholic dissident. Let me tell you, King James I and the practice of hanging, drawing, and quartering made Dick Cheney and water-boarding look a party game for kids. Anyone questioning my views on this should visit the town of Lewes, where the annual bonfire celebrations routinely include hooded torch-wielding enthusiasts burning effigies of the Pope with wanton abandon. Penny for the Guy What it meant to me then: A wholesome childhood activity that kept us off the streets, taught us the value of recycling, and put a few extra pennies in our pockets. What it means to me now: The building -- by children -- of an effigy of a minority political activist with the express intent of burning it publically. Seriously, what is the lesson here? And why do we get kids to do it? The Bonfire What it meant to me then:  Staring in wonder at the gigantic imposing inferno, just close enough to feel your cheeks, palms, and synthetic clothing fibers tingle; a rare chance to be face-to-face with the most deadly of elements. What it means to me now: A holocaust for hedgehogs. As the bonfire is slowly constructed in the days leading up to Guy Fawkes Night, the desperately cute (although undeniably stupid) hedgehog -- in perhaps one of Mother Nature’s cruelest of practical jokes -- is looking for a safe, cozy spot for winter hibernation. He sees the bonfire. He enters the bonfire. One can only imagine the inter-hedgehog conversations nationwide as the flames and smoke engulf them: "It’s a bit warm in here, isn’t it?" So what is the government doing to stop this egregious chain of events? Aside from painfully patronizing public information announcements about fireworks and bonfires being dangerous and hot -- nothing at all. So the message is loud and clear: Relive the persecution of Catholics, let your children burn their effigies freely, and rub salt into the mortal wounds of a man who has already been more than adequately punished and vilified... just try to be safe while you do it. Suggested Sites... The Gunpowder Plot Society - a comprehensive rundown of who, what, why, and where. The British Government Site - exactly how does Mr. Brown explain this one away? Guy Fawkes-Related Activities in York - the City of York appears desperate to claim one of its own. Lewes Bonfire Council - a real must-see for Medieval enthusiasts. The Fire Bridge Guy Fawkes Safety Page - how to avoid any unpleasantries on "Maim a Catholic" Day.

Directory categories: Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes Night, The Gunpowder Plot, UK Parliament, English History

Archived under: Assassinations, Conspiracies, Crime, Fireworks, Guy Fawkes Day, History, Holidays, London, U.K. History, United Kingdom

Post a comment (0) | Email this posting

Stalin, prior to death and relocation You know you're a bad guy when people don't want your body around, even after you're dead. Our case in point is Joseph Stalin, who was kicked out of his resting place on October 31, 1961. After his death, Stalin's embalmed body had been put in Lenin's tomb, but eight years later, Khrushchev gave him the boot. As part of the new leader's De-Stalinization campaign, Stalin's corpse was moved to a burial ground outside the walls of the Kremlin. Stalin wasn't the first controversial person to have his corpse moved from its original resting place. In one of the more bizarre cases in history, John Wycliffe's body was dug out of its grave, burnt, and the ashes deposited into the Thames River in 1428 -- over forty years after he died. This posthumous condemnation was designed to prevent Wycliffe's Protestant supporters from using his body as a relic. People sure did get their knickers in a twist about religion back then: Wycliffe’s biggest offense was translating the Bible into English. As for Stalin, the removal of his body has spawned a generation of fantastic Soviet jokes, which I learned from Emil Draitser's book, "Taking Penguins to the Movies: Ethnic Humor in Russia." My personal favorite regards a conversation between an ethnic Russian and an ethnic Georgian, who's just noticed that Stalin's body has disappeared (note bene: Stalin was Georgian): "Listen, comrade! What's happened to such a handsome mustached man, his decorations all over him, who was lying over here? Where is he? Where did you take him?" In order not to embitter the Georgian, one of the guards begins to explain: "Well, you know, his relatives came over…They took him away." "They took him away?! Can it be? And what about him?" He points to Lenin, "Why didn't anyone take him away? Is he an orphan, or what?" Indeed, Stalin is gone from Red Square, while Lenin remains, even 50 years later. If you have a hankering to see the body of somebody who died in 1924 (an odd memorial, if you ask me), you can still pay your respects. You may, however, have to wait in line. Suggested Sites... Lenin Mausoleum Homepage - see visitor information, as well as historical photos. Stalin Internet Archive - read Stalin's bio, writings, and see pictures. Russian Tourist Board’s guide to Moscow - figure out what to visit in Moscow.

Directory categories: Joseph Stalin, 20th Century Soviet Leaders, 20th Century Soviet History, The Cold War

Archived under: 1920s, 1950s, 1960s, Dead Celebrities, Death, History, Joseph Stalin, Russia

Post a comment (1) | Email this posting

The famous "From Hell" letter (From Casebook: Jack the Ripper) London, 1888. A fiend stalks the dank, filthy streets of the Whitechapel district, preying upon prostitutes -- gruesomely dismembering his victims -- and then disappears into the night. He is never caught. In the years since, identifying Jack the Ripper has been a parlor game that both criminologists and laypersons have played. Was the murderer a member of royalty -- a prince or a duke with a boundless and ferocious hatred of women? One such candidate is Prince Albert Victor, a grandson to Queen Victoria, who, it is theorized, killed women as revenge for contracting a nasty case of the clap. Or maybe the Ripper was a Freemason, who killed the women as part of some ghastly Masonic rite? Then again, maybe Jack was an artist. Patricia Cornwell, a crime novelist and former medical examiner, argues that he was a painter named Walter Sickert, who in a plot straight out of the "The Da Vinci Code" inserted clues to the slayings into his paintings. Arguing against these and other popular Ripper candidates is FBI profiler John Douglas, who proposes that the killer was too disorganized in thought and behavior to have fit in among the upper classes. Douglas proposes that the killer was probably a laborer who blended in well with the poverty and wretched surroundings of Whitechapel, and was thus able to escape detection. At the time of the murders, hundreds of letters claiming to be from the real killer were sent to the authorities. Of the letters received, the "From Hell" letter, received on September 15, 1888, is deemed as the strongest candidate to have come from the actual killer. The text of the "From Hell" letter reads as follows: From hell Mr Lusk, Sor I send you half the Kidne I took from one women prasarved it for you tother piece I fried and ate it was very nise. I may send you the bloody knif that took it out if you only wate a whil longer signed Catch me when you can Mishter Lusk The letter was sent to George Lusk, head of the Whitechapel Vigilance committee, and did indeed contain half of a kidney. A test confirmed it was from an adult female suffering from Brights disease, a condition common among the alcoholic prostitutes of Whitechapel. But because of the limitations of forensic science in Victorian London, the kidney was never conclusively linked to any of the victims. Because so much time has passed, it is unlikely that the identity of Jack the Ripper will ever be proven. Barring an earth-shattering piece of new evidence, the name of the person who killed in frenzy on those London nights in 1888, and then faded into the night, will remain lost to history. Suggested Sites... Casebook: Jack the Ripper - a comprehensive summary of all things Jack. Whitechapel Society - a contemporary organization that studies the Ripper case. Crime Library - case facts about one of history's most notorious serial killers.

Directory categories: Jack the Ripper, UK Serial Killers, Victorian Era, "From Hell" Movie

Archived under: 19th Century, Crime, Criminals, History, Jack the Ripper, London, Murder, Mysteries, U.K. History

Post a comment (1) | Email this posting

"Are we not one-hit wonders?" (Anybody see another hit song?) (Photo by Alterna2) What is it about "One Hit Wonders" that make them just so darn catchy? Most musicians rarely make it to the big time at all, and those that do are usually able to make careers out of it (or at least long enough to reach that elusive #2 hit). But One Hit Wonders are different. They're like the most ephemeral of stars: they shine brightly for a single moment of time, then burn out into oblivion. But if they're lucky, their songs remain for eternity. Inspired by "One Hit Wonder Day" (last week, on September 25th), we asked our fellow Yahoos to share their favorite One Hit Wonder* of all time. (You can find Part One here and Part Two here.) On a side note, many of the below mentioned artists and bands are still recording and performing 10, 20, and in some cases, almost 30 years later -- so props to them for overcoming (or in some cases, embracing) their status as "One Hit Wonders." Mike M.: Wow, there are a LOT of great one hit wonders, but the first one that comes to mind is "Centerfold" by J. Geils Band -- "Na, na, na-na-na-naaa, na, na, na, na-na-na-na-naaaa!" Adam: Easy. "Falco 3" by Falco (it had "Rock Me Amadeus" on it). Wow. I just felt a shiver of embarrassment. Ick. Corinne: The first song I ever loved and still love now is "Too Shy" by Kajagoogoo. Adrienne: Peter Godwin's "Images of Heaven" was truly transportive for me in the early 1980s. Brian: Favorite one hit wonder: "Whip It" by Devo. I was always angry my parents never bought me a Devo-hat! JoAnne: "Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood, and I'm not at all ashamed of it. One of the best '80s songs, and one I will bounce around to every time I hear it. Followed very closely by "867-5309 (Jenny)" from Tommy Tutone. Helene L.: My favorite one hit wonder is "My Sharona" by The Knack. I like the guitar riff, the entertaining beat, and the profound philosophy of the lyrics. What bothers me now is the name of the band, "The Knack," because in my native region, a knack is a type of sausage. The parody by "Weird Al" Yankovic, called "My Bologna" is almost as addictive. Dave S.: I was crazy for "Freeze Frame" by The J. Geils Band. It's decades younger than my favorite music of the 1920s, but there was something about that organ riff and their shouting "freeze frame!" that I loved. Sue me. Sarah L.: "I Melt With You" by Modern English. It still gets so much radio airplay (not to mention covers ad nauseum) that few people realize they can't name another song recorded by the same band. Adrianna: There's "The Macarena," does that count? (Editor's Note: Not only does it count, VH1 named "The Macarena" its #1 One Hit Wonder of all time!) (*Please note that "One Hit Wonder" status is as much defined by perception as by actual radio charting status.) Suggested Sites... One Hit Wonder Central - learn about all sorts of One Hit Wonders from the 1950s to the present. Are You a One Hit Wonder? - find out if you are secretly a one hit wonder with this quiz. VH1: The Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the '80s - surely you love one of these.

Directory categories: Music, Rock and Pop, Music Charts, Musical Artists, CDs, Records, and Tapes

Archived under: 1970s, 1980s, Celebrations, Dance, Entertainment, Events, Flops, Heavy Metal and Hard Rock, History, In Character, Music, Music History, Musicians, Rock and Roll, Songs

Post a comment (2) | Email this posting

Those cats are fast as lightning! (Photo by mK B.) What is it about "One Hit Wonders" that make them just so darn catchy? Most musicians rarely make it to the big time at all, and those that do are usually able to make careers out of it (or at least long enough to reach that elusive #2 hit). But One Hit Wonders are different. They're like the most ephemeral of stars: they shine brightly for a single moment of time, then burn out into oblivion. But if they're lucky, their songs remain for eternity. Inspired by "One Hit Wonder Day" (last week, on September 25th), we asked our fellow Yahoos to share their favorite One Hit Wonder* of all time. (You can find Part One here.) On a side note, many of the below mentioned artists and bands are still recording and performing 10, 20, and in some cases, almost 30 years later -- so props to them for overcoming (or in some cases, embracing) their status as "One Hit Wonders." Mitzi: I’ve always liked "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers. Not sure if they qualify as one hit wonders, but I don’t think any of their other songs ever hit the U.S. charts. Cathleen: My favorite one hit wonder record (and sure to stay that way) was Color Me Badd's "C.M.B." Some may call "I Wanna Sex You Up" their only actual "hit," but "I Adore Mi Amor" and "All 4 Love" made it to the Top 10 in my heart. I'm pretty sure they pioneered the use of numerals instead of words in song titles, an innovative and important achievement in the history of pop music. Think of where texting would be today without these four musical geniuses. Cliff: Hanson's "MMMBop." Huw: I can't say I have a favorite one hit wonder, but I'm very entertained by "Yes Sir, I Can Boogie" -- a delightfully ESL track by the Spanish duo Baccara. Chris B.: I hope that both "Kung Fu Fighting" and "If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don’t Want To Be Right" make your compilation. (Editor's note: They have now!) Jessica J.: My top one hit wonder: "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something. Dave T.: Although not my favorite one hit wonder per se, the one that has etched itself permanently into the album of my memory is Joe Dolce's "Shaddap You Face." It was a novelty record which consisted of an American-born Australian offering such times less lyrics as "Whassamatta you? (Hey!) Gotta no respect? Whaddaya think you do? Why you looka so sad? It's-a not so bad. It's-a nice-a place. Ah, shaddap you face!" All this in a seriously dodgy Italian accent to boot. This is largely memorable because it kept a genuine 80s classic (Ultravox's "Vienna") off of the #1 spot in the U.K. and forever tarnishing Midge Ure's reputation. We'll have our final round of humiliating confessions tomorrow! (*Please note that "One Hit Wonder" status is as much defined by perception as by actual radio charting status.) Suggested Sites... One Hit Wonder Central - learn about all sorts of One Hit Wonders from the 1950s to the present. Are You a One Hit Wonder? - find out if you're secretly a One Hit Wonder with this quiz. VH1: The Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the '80s - surely you love one of these.

Directory categories: Music, Rock and Pop, Music Charts, Musical Artists, CDs, Redcords, and Tapes

Archived under: 1970s, 1980s, Celebrations, Dance, Entertainment, Events, Flops, Heavy Metal and Hard Rock, History, In Character, Music, Music History, Musicians, Rock and Roll, Songs

Post a comment (0) | Email this posting