"Hey! Shouldn't you be gettin' back to work or somethin'? Greetings once again from The Spark. We don't know about you, but last week's epic nearly killed us in the writing, so this week's will be shorter, and, we hope, sweeter. Monday: Let's begin by noting that it's Ask a Stupid Question Day, created by teachers to let their students ask away without fear of mockery. We agree that the idea is a good one, for those questions may well lead to good answers, though probably not as good as the one Albert Einstein asked in 1905, when the physics journal "Annalen der Physik" published his paper "Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?" and got the answered "E=mc²." We’re not claiming to understand either the question or the answer, but physicists sure did. That wasn't the only question answered on this day, though. In 1822, French linguist Jean-Francois Champollion announced that he had deciphered the Rosetta Stone. For those unwilling to ask, it’s an engraved slab that had been discovered in 1799 in Rashid (or Rosetta), Egypt, and combined ancient hieroglyphics with Egyptian and Greek letters. Champollion’s deciphering of the text gave archaeologists their first real means to interpret ancient pictographs. It’s been on display in the British Museum since 1802, and is the most-visited object in that institution to this day. If you're still interested in trivia, we point you to the small town of Lancaster, PA. In 1777, it was the capital of the United States -- but for only one day. Speaking of the capital reminds us of politics, which reminds us of cartoonist Thomas Nast, born on this day in 1840. Nast was, among other things, the man who gave us the Republican elephant, the Democratic donkey, Uncle Sam, and the modern depiction of Santa Claus. Not so jolly was Henry Ford. In 1908, Ford’s first Model T rolled off the assembly line. The automobile went on sale Oct. 1 for $825 (just under $20,000 in modern currency), but soon became a national sensation, opening up personal transportation for the masses. By 1925, Ford's assembly line technique had become so efficient, that the price of the car had dropped to $265 -- or just over $3,000 today). Turning to television, we see that today is not only the 56th anniversary of "Tonight!" -- which soon became "The Tonight Show" hosted by Steve Allen (and today is the 90th birthday of Steve's widow, Jayne Meadows), we also see that coming up on the October 1st is the 48th anniversary of Johnny Carson taking over the "Tonight" host's chair he'd occupy for the next 29 years. Unfortunately, NBC, not sensing any historical value in the show, erased most of the tapes of the show's early years. In fact, it's only in the last couple of weeks that the audio track of the first three minutes of Carson's first show surfaced after decades of being lost. (Unfortunately, the video is still missing.) "Tonight" was a real gamble on the part of NBC executive Sylvester "Pat" Weaver (father of Sigourney Weaver, by the way), in that no one knew if anyone would stay up into the wee hours to watch TV. I think we know the answer to that particular question nowadays ... (For those who need help, though, it is National Coffee Day.) We see that the new season of "Sesame Street" begins today, but we assume we won't be seeing any sign of Katy Perry. Tuesday: In 1901, Ed Sullivan was born. Sullivan came to fame in the 1920s and '30s covering Broadway and Hollywood gossip (not to mention his bitter feuds with rival columnist Walter Winchell). From 1948 to 1971, though, he became in integral part of American culture by hosting a weekly variety show that featured singers, plate spinners, ventriloquists, comedians, and everything in between in an attempt to entertain every part of the audience. Variety shows like Sullivan's have all but disappeared from the airwaves, but there's one that began decades before his program and continues to the present day -- this day especially, as, following the tragic floods in Tennessee this spring, the Grand Ole Opry will return to its home to continue its 85-year tradition of broadcasting the finest in country music. That's not the only show tonight, though. On PBS, Ken Burns's "The Tenth Inning" premieres, continuing his 1994 series on the history of baseball. Ironically, the show airs on the 90th anniversary of one of the game's greatest scandals: the indictment of eight members of the Chicago White Sox, who were accused of throwing the 1919 World Series to the Cincinnati Reds. Gambling itself may be a disease, but it’s not one that can be cured with antibiotics, like penicillin, which Alexander Fleming discovered on this day in 1928. Dr. Fleming noticed that one of the molds in his lab was killing bacteria. Within months, he had released it to the world, giving doctors an irreplaceable tool in the treating of disease. (Speaking of gambling, we’d like to think we could win a bet that the transition into that paragraph was one of the most awkward ever.) Wednesday: On the docket today: the 110th birthday of singing cowboy Gene Autry. Autry had worked as a ranch hand in his youth, but realized his future lay in entertainment. By 1928, he was singing on the radio; by 1929, he was making records; and by 1934, he was making movies. The pictures were cheaply made, but from 1936 to 1954 (with time out for service in World War II), he was one of the top-grossing stars in Hollywood. He was able to parlay his screen fame into a broadcasting empire and ownership of the (then) California Angels. When he died in 1998 (a mere three days after turning 91), he was one of the wealthiest men in America and remains the only person with five stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Thursday: You ever played with a Frisbee? Of course you have -- well, either a Frisbee or a generic flying plastic disc. In 1958, the Wham-O company patented the toy. It, which was originally named the "Pluto Platter," but got its present name with Wham-O executive heard that Boston college kids (who were used to sailing pie plates from the local Frisbie Pie Company) were calling the platters "frisbies," and the rest is marketing history. We don't believe they had Frisbees in Bedrock (after all, everything in that town is made of rock, which doesn’t tend to sail real well), but if they did, we would have found out about them starting 50 years ago tonight, when "The Flintstones" premiered in prime time on ABC. While the Frisbee and "The Flintstones" were good ideas, tonight is the chance to celebrate not-so-good ideas, as the annual Ig Nobel Prizes will be awarded for discoveries "that cannot, or should not, be reproduced." In other words, they're the gold standard for bad ideas. In 1954, singer and actress Julie Andrews made her Broadway debut, starring in the musical "The Boy Friend," the day before she turned 19. (She, of course, turns 75 tomorrow.) On a sadder note, it was on this day in 1955, that actor James Dean was killed in a car crash. Dean had made only a few films (though he'd made numerous appearances on live television dramas), but his personality and acting style influenced and impacted a generation of Americans and actors. Friday: Beginnings and endings today: In 1890, both Yosemite National Park and Yellowstone National Park were established by the U.S. Congress. In 1957, the words "In God We Trust" made their first appearance on U.S. paper currency. (Frankly, we were surprised it was so late in American history.) In 1968, George A. Romero's "Night of the Living Dead" opened, beginning a cycle that has subjected audiences to an endless series of zombie and vampire movies. Talk about not dying! For those who can't get enough Disney (in which number we do not include ourselves), in 1971, Walt Disney World opened in Orlando, FL, followed in 1982 by the EPCOT Center. EPCOT, which is an acronym for “Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow” was intended by Uncle Walt to be a testing ground for new and innovative domestic theories and products, soon turned into just another tourist trap. Oh, well; the best-laid plans of mice ... On the same day that EPCOT opened, Sony introduced their first compact disc player (the CDP-101, which looks about as big as a Buick). While nowadays, the CD is just about as dead as vinyl, it was, in its time, beyond ultra-modern. The farewell is from Babe Ruth. Ruth's name has come to be synonymous with baseball, and while his hitting prowess speaks for itself, he’d be a Hall of Famer for his pitching alone. He was one of the greatest left-handers of all time, winning almost 100 games in his career. In 1933, he made his final appearance on the mound, beating his former team, the Boston Red Sox, 6-5. He pitched all nine innings, giving up twelve hits (no strikeouts), and hitting a homer. Finally, today is International Raccoon Appreciation Day. If only it were Weasel Appreciation Day, we could feel sorry for Tony Hayward, who's stepping down as the head of BP. Saturday: Today's birthdays include three of the greatest comedians in showbiz history. First is Groucho Marx (1890), the most verbose of the Marx Brothers, who turned insults and wisecracks into an art form. Second is Bud Abbott (1895), who partnered for years with Lou Costello, and who is generally considered the greatest straight man of all time. Last is George "Spanky" McFarland, the child actor who became the leader of the kid group known as either "Our Gang" and "The Little Rascals." Two other birthdays are of men who couldn't be more different. 1452 saw the birth of England's King Richard III. Shakespeare painted Richard as a manipulator who lied and murdered his way to the throne, but recent reappraisals have called him either benevolent or, at worst, benign. The other is Mohandas Gandhi (1869), better known as Mahatma Gandhi, whose nonviolent policies led to the independence of India from the British Empire. In that period of history (the late 19th century), that empire spanned the globe, so that it was the perfect atmosphere for the fictional Phileas Fogg to make his 1872 wager that he could travel around the world in eighty days. Fogg used almost every means of transportation available to him in those less-advanced times, except a hot-air balloon, which makes this week's International Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque, NM, slightly ironic. Three anniversaries that we've tried to link, but just can't: In 1919, President Woodrow Wilson suffered a massive stroke, which left him partially paralyzed and unable to fulfill his duties, so until his recovery, the country was basically run by his wife Edith. Charles M. Schulz's comic strip "Peanuts" began running. Schulz ended the strip in 2000, and in an odd twist of fate, died the day before the last Sunday page ran. Finally in 1959, "The Twilight Zone" premiered. Even though it ran only five seasons, it's still the gold standard for creepy television, and its guitar-riff theme song, which signifies something odd happening, is known to even those who never saw the show. Sunday: Let's begin the end of the week by wishing Barack and Michelle Obama a happy 18th wedding anniversary. (And just to remind you, Mr. President, porcelain is the traditional gift.) Like the "Odd Couple" juxtaposition of Gandhi and Richard above, today's pairing is just as jarring. In 1873, Emily Post was born. She devoted her life to the gospels of etiquette and good manners. On the other hand, we have Harvey Kurtzman, born in 1902. Kurtzman gave us, among other things, Mad Magazine (the original, funny version), and his sense of humor has influenced pretty much everyone from the Pythons to the writers of the National Lampoon (again, the original, funny version), who went on to create or inspire everything from "Animal House" to "Saturday Night Live," and even David Letterman. By extension, Kurtzman influenced almost every American comedian and comedy movie of the second half of the Twentieth Century. There are exceptions, though, such as "The Andy Griffith Show," which premiered in 1960, or "The Dick Van Dyke Show" (1961). The contrast of the two shows, with their respective rural and urban perspectives, set the standards for television comedies for the next ten years, even if they were neither particularly satirical nor Kurtzmanesque. We'll close the week by mentioning that it’s the 15th anniversary of O.J. Simpson being acquitted of the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, and then pausing while you say, "That's fifteen years ago? Wow." See you next time! Suggested Sites... E = mc2 Explained - yeah. Right. We still don't get it. The British Museum - home to the Rosetta Stone and so much more. PBS: The Tenth Inning - it ain't over till it goes into extra innings. Hollywood Chamber of Commerce - home of the Walk of Fame. Improbable Research - awarding the annual Ig Nobel Prizes.

Directory categories: Physics, Automobiles, Talk Shows, Toys, Animated TV Shows

Archived under: 18th Century, 1900s, 1910s, 1920s, 1930s, 1940s, 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, 19th Century, Actors, American History, Ancient History, Andy Griffith, Animation, Anniversaries, Archaeology, Athletes, Autos, Babe Ruth, Bacteria, Barack Obama, Baseball, Baseball Players, Biographies, Birthdays, Books, Broadway, Cartoonists, Celebrations, Celebrities, Child Actors, Coincidence, Comedians, Comic Strips, Comics, Country Music, David Letterman, Dead Celebrities, Democratic Party, Disney, Drugs, Ed Sullivan, Egypt, England, Entertainment, Etiquette, European History, Events, Festivals, Fiction, Filmmaking, Government, Hanna-Barbera, Health, History, Holidays, Hollywood, Hollywood Walk of Fame, Human Rights, Humor, India, Invention, Inventors, Italian Food, James Dean, Journalism, Journalists, Languages, Late Night TV, Law Enforcement, Legal Cases, Literature, Little Rascals, London, MLB, Media, Medicine, Monsters and Creatures, Movie History, Movies, Muppets, Music, Music History, Musicals, Musicians, Nostalgia, Our Gang, Pennsylvania, Politics, Presidents, Reporters, Republican Party, Rosetta Stone, Santa Claus, Science, Scientists, Singers, Sitcoms, Society and Culture, Sports, TV, Talk Show Hosts, Technology, U.K. History, United Kingdom, United States, Vampires, Variety Shows, Vintage, Weird Stuff, Women, Zombies

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How come I'm always in back of this jagoff? (Photo by Jim Legans, Jr ) July is Cell Phone Courtesy Month, and in honor of this occasion we are offering friendly reminders and cautionary tales. We intend to improve your life by letting you know that you are not alone in your disdain for those oblivious to the annoyance they cause others, and also offer you comfort in knowing that you are not the only one who makes the occasional slip in etiquette. All names have been changed to protect our sources in this delicate matter. "Marion" - Remember when Bluetooth headsets first came out and people would wear them even when they weren’t using their phones? Not a cool look and very unapproachable. Thank goodness I don’t see Borg-y Magees much anymore. "Alice" - Cell phones should be in a silent mode all the time in the office -- most phones offer a silent mode w/vibration nowadays. Electrical versions of the latest hit songs, some random customized ring tones, and the good old phone rings can be all quite distracting for some people. Especially when a cell phone is left in a cube. The personal phone rings continuously, and that’s mostly after the work phone rang a few times. Expecting some important calls? That's when the phone should really be in silent mode, because it'll surely ring until it gets answered! "Bruce" - I was at a movie the other night and some pinhead right in front of me kept looking at his phone, either texting or reading his email, and the incredibly bright light kept shining in my face like a Vegas spot light (at least, that’s how it felt). Morons need to either ignore their phones completely (TURN IT OFF!) or at the very least, turn down their brightness settings. Also, during the same movie (this was a Metallica concert/movie, so the number of pinheads increased substantially), some jagoff walks into the theater, late, of course, using his phone as a FLASH LIGHT! Because THAT'S not annoying at all! "Bella" - I once realized I was checking Facebook and email on my phone while my friend was over to hang out and in mid-conversation. That was pretty rude of me. "Clark" - I'm a fan of live theatre, and there's always a chance that anything can happen during the performance -- particularly a cell phone going off. No matter how many times an audience is warned, some dimwit thinks his phone won't be the one that goes off. Most times the actors ignore the interruption, but in egregious cases, actors will try either a charming approach or be more aggressive in their attempts to get the audience to actually watch the show they paid to see. I recently saw a play with Christopher Walken, and at one point in the show, he was crossing down right, and a cell phone started ringing. Walken stopped, gave the audience one of his quizzical looks and stood, just waiting. After about four rings, the phone stopped. He gave a "what are you gonna do?" shrug, and continued the action, handling it brilliantly. "Dana" – I once worked at a bookstore, and a man on his cell phone ducked half-way into the back room through the "employees only" door (first offense), and proceeded to reveal to the entire shop that he was a doctor by loudly discussing a patient's medical condition (second offense), and referring to the patient by name (third offense). I was very glad he wasn't my doctor. "Lyra" - My feathers are repeatedly ruffled by teens and students who decide to use their phones as ghetto blasters on public transport. Whether it’s Ke$ha or Katy Perry, I know that everyone else in the train carriage is thinking the same thing I am: "Turn that racket off!" Then I wonder why, if they can afford the latest in MP3 cell phone technology, they can’t also invest in a good pair of headphones ... "Snuffy" - While I can tolerate loud talkers in waiting rooms, gossiping teenagers on public transit, and glowing-screen texters in movie theaters, I hate when people talk on their phones in the bathroom. You may not care if the other person on the line hears your bodily functions, but I certainly don't want people to hear mine! "Madeline" - Talking on your cell phone in public restrooms is NOT okay. Specifically while you are in the stall. Therefore, I invite all who encounter this behavior to invoke their six-year-old selves and make loud noises in their own stalls. This will not only satisfy one's inner child, but will also hopefully be heard by the person on the other end of the line. Clearly, we can all benefit from a brief refresher in manners when it comes to phone use in public. Some people take things to the extreme with their phones, such as supermodel Naomi Campbell, who has reportedly used her phone as a weapon again and again and again. The good news is that most cell phone offenses are minor, and of us can be reformed. You may have been gabbing to your friend and ordering coffee from a perturbed barista this morning, but a little mindfulness can save you from the same faux pas tomorrow. Suggested Sites... The Basic Rules of Cell Phone Etiquette - rules for restaurants, concerts, airplanes, and more. Drive Now Talk Later - Car Talk's Tom and Ray offer an extensive guide to the risks and rules of driving and dialing. Practicing Proper Cellular Conduct - a handy color-coded guide to when you can and can't answer the phone. Cell Phone Etiquette on eHow - tons of articles and videos. Become an expert and impress your friends! Top 10 Cell Phone Etiquette Rules People Still Break - are you guilty of one of these bad behaviors?

Directory categories: Etiquette , Cell Phone Etiquette, Cell Phones, Telecommunications , Naomi Campbell

Archived under: Business, Cell Phones, Communication, Eavesdropping, Etiquette, Events, Mobile Phones, Movie Theatres, Performing Arts, Ringtones

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Like I really wanted to join (Photo by Abraxas3) Sarcasm is a difficult art form to master, as so aptly demonstrated by such classic fictional characters as Comic Book Guy from "The Simpsons" and Chandler Bing from "Friends." So much of this particular form of rhetoric depends on the delivery of the message, and not the message itself, that it can be difficult to detect without the proper inflection. Enter the beloved Internet, where snarky bloggers, techie elitists, and die-hard gamers converge to pwn n00bs and other people who have it coming to them. However, unlike other social settings, the Internet has the distinct disadvantage of lacking that face-to-face contact that's necessary in picking up on any hint of a sarcastic bite. Without the right tone, even a casual remark can make the cleverest Sarah Silverman look like a troll. How do you deliver a sarcastic retort online without looking like you've missed the punchline? First and most importantly, choose your words wisely. While you might be able to get away with a caustic remark within your immediate social circle, no one knows who you are on the Internet. A carefully thought-out remark is much less likely to be misinterpreted than a brief one saying (in so many words) "you are dumb." Secondly, if you've thought out a sufficiently witty remark and you're still not certain if it will be taken the right way, tweaking the text itself can help signify to others that you're about to enter Dr. Cox territory. Italics, emoticons, and mimicking html formatting by inserting < sarcasm > at the beginning of a remark are all ways to indicate that your words shouldn't be taken at face value. If all else fails, for less than two bucks you can download the "SarcMark," a new symbol specifically designed to tell others that you're being sarcastic. Though really, if you need a symbol to point out that you're being disingenuous, you might need to rethink how witty your comebacks actually are. Suggested Sites... Sarcasm Society - sarcastic jokes, quotes, and blogs. Sarcasm - as explained by the Encyclopedia Dramatica. xkcd - webcomic about math, sarcasm, and romance. How Sarcasm Works - step-by-step guide on how to identify and understand sarcasm in your daily life. How Sarcastic Are You? - find out with this quiz.

Directory categories: Humor, Rants, Computer and Internet Humor, Bitterness, Humorous Blogs

Archived under: Communication, Correspondence, Cyberculture, Email, Etiquette, How-To, Internet, Languages, Sarcasm, Writers

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Just stop freakin' swearing already, gosh darn it! (Photo by Bill Barber) Like most parents of toddlers, I'm amazed as I watch my daughter learn to speak and understand words. And like many other parents, I've been wondering exactly when I need to stop swearing, lest my child end up sounding like a David Mamet character. I don't want her to be banned from the playground for teaching other tots salty talk. But how the H-E-double-hockeysticks does someone go about eliminating all of those naughty, colorful words from their vocabulary -- especially when they're so freakin' fun to use? In writing, there's the ever-handy grawlix -- that jumble of #@*&% symbols that denotes swearing in comics -- but that's not very helpful when someone cuts you off in traffic or the umpire makes an especially bad call. Online advice suggests a few solutions. For example, just stop using profanity altogether. Just like that. While this might be the polite and proper solution, it's not for me. I don't exactly swear like George Carlin, but I do relish the occasional well-placed expletive. Also, I'm a klutz, and when I stub my toe I need to blurt something a bit stronger than "ow." Another option is to replace curse words with euphemisms. Some opt for watered-down versions of the strong stuff, but gosh darn it, that just feels hecka silly to me. Others use nonsense words as swear-proxies. My grandmother used "sheesh" and "foof" as smurf-style all-purpose replacement words which could be used as any part of speech. (I used to think she said them when she'd forgotten the word she meant, but I'm beginning to wonder if she used to swear like a longshoreman in the days before she had kids. Foof yeah, Granny!) Made-up curses like "frak" may be more satisfying to say than "fudge" or "fooey," but I have a feeling that phrases like "What the frak?" would be just as unpopular at preschool as the real thing. The whole process of profanity-replacement makes me feel like a movie censor, adapting R-rated movies for network TV ("Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon!"). Maybe I should just do what they do, and not care that the new phrases don't make sense. If people don't like my surreal semi-swears, I'll just tell all those monkey-fighting melon-farmers and fairy godmothers to shut the front door. Suggested Sites... How to Stop Swearing Like A Sailor - assuming you're not actually a sailor. Swearing Around Kids - members of a parents' forum share their thoughts. No Cussing Club - an anti-profanity movement started by an expletive-hating 14-year-old. Cleaning Up My Act - Joseph Epstein's account of trying to stop swearing. Mamapedia: Bad Words - moms offer stories and advice about sweary kids.

Directory categories: Swearing, Words and Wordplay, Parenting, Parenting Humor

Archived under: Children, Etiquette, In Character, Parenting, Profanity, Society and Culture, Swearing, Words

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This might be satisfying, but it wouldn't exactly be polite. Violators beware! (Photo by Mark Wallace) Once upon a time, the term "etiquette" referred to knowing which fork one used at the dinner table (the one on the outside), or which side of the sidewalk a gentleman should walk on when escorting a young lady (the side closest to the curb). Lately, etiquette's become something of a dirty word, though. At best, it evokes a nostalgic sentiment for the "good old days;" at worst, a general disdain for a kind of archaic protocol that seems to have no place in the modern world. And while it's true that, nowadays, few people outside of historical reenactment societies need to know the proper way to leave a calling card, the art of civility and good manners is not yet obsolete. Consider the Internet troll who launches a flame war on your comments page. What's the proper way to tell them to mind their own beeswax without making yourself look like a fool? Then there's the sticky situation of how to politely deny your diabetic relative's request for marijuana. Not to mention the ever-important question of how to convey to the woman you've just walked into your apartment building after a date that you're not a rapist. No, this isn't Amy Vanderbilt's or Emily Post's brand of etiquette (even though Miss Vanderbilt’s “Book of Etiquette” was published on this date in 1952). But even in a post-Lewinsky world, it seems we still have some need for decorum (as so aptly demonstrated by the formal rebuke of Republican Representative Joe Wilson after his "You lie!" remark during President Obama's address to the Congress on health care). So turn off your cell phone when attending the theater, don't text while at the movies (we can still see the glow of the screen even if the ringer’s off), turn your radio down at the drive-thru, and send your thank you cards via e-mail  -- just make sure to claim it's in the name of saving the environment, and not because you're too lazy to buy a card, write a message, find a stamp, lick the envelope, and send it. Suggested Sites... Emily Post’s Etiquette Daily - etiquette advice from the Emily Post Institute, Inc. The Urban Etiquette Handbook - the answers to all your modern conundrums -- like who walks the bride down the aisle when there are two of them. Dear Prudence - Slate's advice column on manners and morals. The Core Rules of Netiquette - how to deal with forwards, flaming, and the dreaded caps lock key. Modern Manners Guy - podcast about modern manners issues.

Directory categories: Etiquette, Netiquette, Cell Phone Etiquette, Emily Post, Wedding Etiquette

Archived under: 1950s, Anniversaries, Authors, Books, Eating, Etiquette, Society and Culture, Telephones, Writers, dating

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