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Here's To the Winners
By Dave Sikula
Thu, December 9, 2010, 12:01 am PST

The Milestone Mo-Tel today
The Milestone Mo-Tel today. Winners get one
free night. Losers get two. (That's the second
time we've used that joke today.)
If the whole world loves a winner, we have a weekend full of love ahead of us. Let's get started!

The most obvious winners will be declared Thursday when either Clint Robertson or Brandy Kuentzel wins the right to become Donald Trump's latest Apprentice for one year. (We hope that the loser isn't stuck for two years ...) One of the three remaining teams on "The Amazing Race" will win a million smackers on Sunday. (Perhaps eating that sheep's head may have been worth it.) It's almost guaranteed that none of these winners will make Barbara Walters' list of the year's "Most Fascinating People," (most fascinating to her, anyway ...) but we’ll find out for sure Thursday. (Our guess for #1 on her list? The cameraman who smears the Vaseline all over the lens that photographs her.) And on Friday, they'll be handing out the Nobel Prizes. The Nobels aren't like the Oscars; everyone already knows who won and the winners have actually accomplished something that matters, rather than playing loveable oddballs.

Saturday we'll see some sports winners. In the afternoon, someone (Cam Newton? Andrew Luck? LaMichael James?) will win the Heisman Trophy as the nation's finest college football player, and in the evening, either Georges St-Pierre or Josh Koscheck will take the welterweight championship at UFC 124 in Montreal. We assume the combatants will not resort to wheeling around the ring in roller skates, but while it would be appropriate (given that Thursday marks the anniversary of their 1884 patent), we'd have to warn them that such a thing would be just plain dangerous.)

Sunday also marks the 10th anniversary of the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling in Bush v. Gore, which ensured that George W. Bush became the nation's 43rd president. Whether that made the country a winner or a loser, we'll leave up to you. Falling into a similar category is Larry King's retirement from his CNN talk show on Friday. (As with President Bush, we won't say whether that's a plus or a minus.)

Weary travelers were winners 85 years ago Sunday, when the Milestone Mo-Tel, the world's first motel (short for "motor hotel"), opened in San Luis Obispo, California.

If we stretch the definition of "winner" to include those whose birthdays fall this weekend, then we're lousy with winners. For example, Thursday sees the birthdays of both Margaret Hamilton (1902) and Redd Foxx (1922). Hamilton is best known for her role as the Wicked Witch of the West in the 1939 classic, "The Wizard of Oz." Despite her indelible portrayal of one of the screen's great villains, Hamilton loved children and was a lifelong advocate for charities that benefitted kids and animals. Foxx was someone whose work, on the other hand, was decidedly not for kids. A veteran of the black vaudeville entertainment venues known as the "Chitlin' Circuit," Foxx recorded a series of "party records" in the 1950s that were both filthy and hilarious. He reached a mainstream fame in the '70s when he starred in "Sanford and Son," where his frequent feigned heart attacks were one of the show's running gags. In a supreme irony, he suffered an actual heart attack while rehearsing for another television show, but no one believed was it real until it was too late.

Sunday would have been the 95th birthday of Frank Sinatra. The greatest popular singer of the 20th century, Sinatra was also an Oscar-winning actor, starred in numerous TV specials that consisted of nothing but him singing with his guests, and was the biggest attraction in Las Vegas when that title actually meant something.

Monday, we celebrate the 192nd birthday of Mary Todd Lincoln, wife of Abraham Lincoln who was criticized in her time for her extravagant and spendthrift ways, and committed to a psychiatric hospital by her son Robert. While she was undoubtedly depressed, wouldn't any woman who’d lived through the death of three sons and the murder of her husband (while sitting next to him) feel the same? She was eventually declared competent and released, but her health was broken, and she died three years later.

If birthday celebrants are winners, so too are those is show business who meet success, like performers and lovers of country music, who can celebrate the 83rd anniversary of the first broadcast of the Grand Ole Opry on Friday. The Opry has been a staple of radio and television in the decades since it debuted, highlighting the best in country, from Hank Williams and Minnie Pearl to Clint Black and Carrie Underwood. Someone who's appeared at the Opry (but has yet to be inducted into its member ranks) is Taylor Swift. Perhaps the Opry has been waiting for her to turn 21 - in which case, it need wait no longer! The Grammy-winning singer reaches her majority on Monday.

Thursday will see the annual airing of the Rankin-Bass animated Christmas special, "The Year without a Santa Claus," which features memorable turns by Snow Miser and Heat Miser (who are also not members of the Opry).

Friday is also the 55th anniversary of the "Mighty Mouse Playhouse's" television premiere. In TV's early days, broadcasters were desperate for material to air, so old movies and cartoons were natural fodder, and Paul Terry's "Mighty Mouse" cartoons were some of the oddest programs to come to the screen. Mini operatic melodramas, they featured the eponymous rodent singing his was through battles with the villainous Oil Can Harry. Mighty made a brief comeback in the 80s in a brilliant TV series produced by Ralph Bakshi, but he's been in retirement since self-appointed censor Donald Wildmon mistook the mouse's flower sniffing for drug use. (No, really.) Wildmon isn't the only well-intentioned, if-misguided, protector we mention, though, since Thursday is the anniversary of the founding of the John Birch Society, which has been protecting Americans from the Communists lurking under their beds for 52 years.

Legitimate do-gooders have something to celebrate this weekend, too. Thursday is the U.N's annual International Anti-Corruption Day, dedicated to wiping out, well, corruption and promoting the rule of law, and Friday is both Human Rights Day and the beginning of Human Rights Week.

We end by noting a delightful juxtaposition on Thursday. December 9, 1792, saw the first cremation in America, when statesman Henry Laurens died at his plantation in Charleston, South Carolina, and per his will, his body was burned. On the same date in 1886, Clarence Birdseye, inventor of frozen food was born. We're reminded of the choice Curly Howard was given in a Three Stooges short: to be burned at the stake or to have his head cut off. He opted for the former, on the reasoning that a hot stake's better than a cold chop. Good night!

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Ladies' Day
By Dave Sikula
Wed, December 1, 2010, 12:01 am PST

Rosa Parks' booking photo
Rosa Parks. They wouldn't even
let her sit while booking her.
Yesterday, we called attention to three historical wits (Swift, Twain, and Wilde), and today is the turn of more contemporary comics. Wednesday is the 75th birthday of filmmaker Woody Allen, and would have been the 70th birthday of comedian Richard Pryor. Allen is the Academy Award-winning director of such movies as "Annie Hall," "Bullets Over Broadway," "Radio Days," and "Hannah and Her Sisters." He'a been nominated for 16 Oscars (winning three), and has directed actors (Penelope Cruz, Michael Caine, Diane Keaton, Mira Sorvino, and Dianne Wiest – twice) to six. Pryor was the pioneering stand-up whose earthy and vulgar routines brought new life to live comedy in the 70s. He was loved and emulated by his peers (Jerry Seinfeld called him "The Picasso of our profession," and Bob Newhart described him as "the seminal comedian of the last 50 years"). As loved as he was by comedians and audiences, Hollywood didn't seem to know what to do with him, and, with only a few exceptions, his films were not always good. Plagued by addictions during his later life, he succumbed to multiple sclerosis at the age of 65.

Pryor and Allen aren't the only ones celebrating birthdays today. In 1891, James Naismith was trying to control a group of rowdy kids who were stuck indoors at the YMCA in Springfield, Massachusetts. Naismith nailed a couple of peach baskets to the walls, and invented "basket ball," thus giving birth to the hoops we know today. The game has changed slightly in the ensuing century, and will see a notable event Thursday when LeBron James makes his return to Cleveland, as the Heat take on the Cavs. We expect chaos to ensue, which is an odd way to begin National Stress-Free Family Holiday Month. Perhaps a round of Bingo would help everyone get along. Conveniently, December is "Bingo's Birthday Month," which aims to call attention one of America's other favorite pastimes.

If even more stress reduction is needed, fans can concentrate on soccer, as there are few diversions that are more sleep-inducing. Fortunately, FIFA will be on hand to remind us of the "beautiful game," as they'll be announcing on Thursday the unfortunate cities chosen to host the 2018 and 2022 World Cups.

We were surprised to see that France isn't in the running to host either of those competitions, but the French will be busy Thursday commemorating both Napoleon Bonaparte's 1804 self-coronation as Emperor of France, and the anniversary of the death of the Marquis de Sade, the aristocratic writer who lived a, shall we say, interesting lifestyle, that 200 years later, is still too hot for prime time - and for The Spark.

Let's move on to something a little more wholesome - holiday shopping, for example. And what would the holidays be without toys and ties? December is both Safe Toys and Gifts Month and National Tie Month. While we all want kids to be healthy and safe, we kind of long for the days of our youth when toys were made of metal with sharp edges, or loaded with cannonballs. Oh, well, better to stick with a nice cravat for Dad. It's dull, but won't put his eye out.

We tip our hats to three notable women over the next couple of days. Thursday would have been the birthday of the ultimate opera diva Maria Callas. Callas was born in New York in 1923 and by her 30s, had become one of the biggest names in opera history. Unfortunately, her singing and acting style - not to mention her fiery temperament and life off-stage - made her highly controversial.

On December 1, 1952, the New York Daily News reported that former Army GI George Jorgensen had returned from Denmark as Christine Jorgenson, becoming the first person to undergo a widely-publicized sexual reassignment surgery. Jorgensen spent the remaining 37 years of her life lecturing and performing as a cabaret singer, delivering such tongue-in-cheek numbers as "I Enjoy Being a Girl."

Three years later, African-American civil rights worker Rosa Parks was arrested in Montgomery, Alabama, for refusing to give her seat to a white passenger. Her arrest sparked a boycott of the entire Montgomery bus system that ended only when a Supreme Court order ruled that Montgomery's segregated bus system unconstitutional.

A iconic fictional woman made her debut on December 2, 1947, when Tennessee Williams' masterpiece, "A Streetcar Named Desire" opened on Broadway. While Marlon Brando's brutish Stanley Kowalski got a lot of attention, the play actually focuses on the travails of the DuBois sisters, Stella and Blanche. Blanche DuBois came to represent the epitome of the cracked Southern belle, whose genteel ways cwere no match for the modern world. The role spans a wide emotional range, and has always been catnip for actresses wanting to test their mettle, including Jessica Tandy (the original), Vivien Leigh, Jessica Lange, Ann-Margret, Rachel Weisz, and Cate Blanchett.

In what may - or may not - be a notable event for women, we note in passing that December 1, 1953, saw the publication of the first issue of "Playboy" magazine.

At sundown on Wednesday, Hanukkah begins. This eight day celebration commemorates the rededication of Jerusalem's Second Temple in the 2nd century BCE.

Lastly, we note that December 1 is both World AIDS Day and the Day (With)Out Art. The former is dedicated to raising awareness of AIDS and HIV, while the latter is devoted to the artists who were lost to AIDS and the works of art they never produced.

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A Loaf of Bread, A Jug of Wine, and a Dancing Mouse
By Dave Sikula
Wed, November 17, 2010, 12:01 am PST

Glass of wine and a loaf of bread
Everything you need but the mouse
(Photo by kevin rawlings.)
The next two days are devoted to quitting. Jimmy Kimmel has declared Wednesday to be National UnFriend Day; 24 hours dedicated to going through your social network pals and deleting the ones you don't really know. Speaking for ourselves, we're on the verge of 800 Facebook friends and 2,500 Twitter followers, all of whom are dear, close, personal friends, so we'll pass, thank you.

More importantly, though, Thursday is the annual Great American Smokeout, on which we encourage all our friends who smoke to quit. Trolling the Internet for hours on end may not be the healthiest activity, but it beats the heck out of inhaling toxic gasses. If you are quitting, perhaps you can ease the cravings for that next coffin nail by baking some bread. After all, Wednesday is Homemade Bread Day, and we think even the most committed smoker would agree that a loaf of freshly-baked bread tastes better than a dose of nicotine. Combine that loaf with a jug of this year's Beaujolais Nouveau (which will be released on Thursday), and you have the makings of a nice little snack - or a dandy poem.

Two birthdays of note. Wednesday would have been Rock Hudson's 85th birthday. Hudson was the devastatingly handsome leading man of the 1950s and '60s who starred in numerous romantic comedies (usually opposite Doris Day), soap opera weepers - and even Howard Hughes' favorite movie, "Ice Station Zebra." (Hughes so loved the movie that he bought a Las Vegas television station just so he could have them screen it any time he wanted to see it - even if it meant breaking into other programming.) Society's attitudes and the workings of the movie industry kept Hudson (born Roy Harold Scherer Jr. of Winnetka, Illinois) deeply-closeted, and in 1985, he became the first major public figure to announce he had AIDS.

Another gay icon, novelist Marcel Proust, died on November 18, 1922. Proust's novel "À la recherche du temps perdu" (usually known in English as "Remembrance of Things Past," but more properly translated as "In Search of Lost Time") caused a sensation when it was published in seven volumes from 1913 to 1927. Its use of multiple viewpoints and stream-of-consciousness influenced such writers as Virginia Woolf and James Joyce, and is generally considered one of the greatest novels of the 20th century.

Our other "birthday" of note actually isn't. On November 18, 1928, Walt Disney's cartoon, "Steamboat Willie," starring Mickey Mouse, premiered in New York at what is now the Broadway Theatre. It is usually stated that "Willie" was both the first Mickey cartoon (it was actually the third) and the first cartoon with synchronized sound (although other cartoons had had soundtracks as early as 1924). That said, though, the Walt Disney Company considers the 18th to be Mickey's birthday, so who are we to argue?

Thursday will also see the announcement of People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" for 2010. We would be surprised to see this year's honor go to Tom Cruise. (Not that we don't like Mr. Cruise; we'd just be surprised ...) Regardless of whether he's named or not, we're sure Tom can take comfort in it also being the fourth anniversary of his wedding to Katie Holmes. (We only hope Oprah and her couch have recovered by now.)

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It's a Scandal! It's a Outrage!
By Dave Sikula
Fri, November 5, 2010, 12:01 am PDT

Close-up of a Monopoly board
I'll trade you two railroads
and the waterworks for
Ventor Ave. and Oriental
(Photo by Andrea Allen)
Friday:

We note the death of three show business giants today. First is George M. Cohan, who died in 1942. Cohan was the first Broadway star of the modern age, a quadruple-threat who acted, wrote, composed, and produced scores of plays and musicals. Unlike the energetically over-the-top Oscar-winning portrayal of him by James Cagney in "Yankee Doodle Dandy," Cohan's actual on-stage style was simple, warm, and intimate, contrasting sharply with the bombast of most other performers of the time.

In 1956, pianist Art Tatum died at the age of 47. Despite his near-blindness, Tatum was certainly the greatest jazz pianist who ever lived, if not the greatest musician, period. His dazzling runs and breathtaking virtuosity have never been equaled. Vladimir Horowitz, no mean piano player himself, was in awe upon hearing Tatum's unrivaled technique and improvisational skills, saying that if Tatum ever took up classical music, he'd quit the next day.

This day in 1960 saw the passing of Mack Sennett. In the 1910s and '20s, Sennett's film comedies were unsurpassed. He had a flawless eye for talent, discovering (among others) Harold Lloyd, Gloria Swanson, Roscoe Arbuckle, Marie Dressler, Mabel Normand, Ben Turpin, and Harry Langdon. Unfortunately, Sennett's vision did not include business acumen, and his career began a slow decline with the coming of sound in the late 1920s. He mostly retired in the mid-'30s, but spent the final quarter-century of his life making occasional cameos in other people's comedies and announcing projects that never quite got off the ground. His Keystone comedies remain the gold standard for early silent comedy.

Sennett retired in 1935, but we don't know if he ever played Monopoly, the board game that was introduced by Parker Brothers on this day in that year.

All this talk of movies has made us wonder just what’s opening today, and it’s actually a fair bunch of films (none of which are summer blockbusters, indicating it's probably the start of awards season). For example, there’s "Fair Game," starring Naomi Watts as exposed CIA agent Valerie Plame and Sean Penn as her husband Joseph Wilson; "For Colored Girls," directed by the ubiquitous Tyler Perry, and starring Janet Jackson; "Megamind," an animated superhero comedy starring the voices of Will Ferrell, Brad Pitt, and Tina Fey; "127 Hours," with James Franco as hiker Aron Ralston, who was forced to amputate his own arm when it became trapped under a boulder; and "Client 9," a documentary about former New York governor Eliot Spitzer.

If motion pictures don't appeal to you, you might travel to England, to celebrate Guy Fawkes Night, which commemorates the 16th century plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament by burning scarecrow effigies of the "Gunpowder Plot's" alleged ringleader.

Saturday and Sunday:

Saturdays in the fall are college football day, and this is the anniversary of the day in 1869 when Princeton University (then known as the College of New Jersey) traveled to Rutgers College to play the first intercollegiate football game. (Rutgers won, 6-4.)

What more appropriate way to celebrate that anniversary than by watching a modern college football game? Perhaps you could make it better by watching that game in Forest Grove, Oregon (fifteen miles west of Portland) and indulging in the Verboort Sausage and Kraut Dinner. And then throw in some delicious nachos as a part of National Nachos Day. With all the resulting wind you'll be producing, you could pick up your saxophone and blow a tune; after all it is the 196th birthday of Antoine-Joseph (Adolphe) Sax, the inventor of both the saxophone and saxotromba, and hence, Saxophone Day.

Two more birthdays of note today. Thomas Ince (1882), who in a brief 14-year career, wrote, directed, produced, or acted in nearly 200 movies, and provided the fodder for one of Hollywood's first big scandals when he met his death on board the yacht of newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst. While the official story was that Ince died of heart trouble (at the age of 42), rumors have persisted that Hearst shot and killed Ince over the latter’s undue interest in Hearst’s mistress, Marion Davies. (This incident supposedly led to the long career of gossip columnist Louella Parsons, who was a witness to the alleged crime and given a lifetime contract to shut her up.)

In 1892, Harold Ross was born in Aspen, Colorado. After working in his teen years on various newspapers and serving as an editor on the Army’s paper "Stars and Stripes" during World War I, he settled in New York, founding and editing "The New Yorker" in 1925. For the last 85 years, it's been the gold standard of American magazines, hailed for its in-depth reportage, fiction, and cartoons.

Had Ross been near a television (still a relatively new invention) on his 55th birthday in 1947, he could have watched the inaugural broadcast of "Meet the Press," which began its reign as the longest-running television show in the world that day. After 63 years, the show can still make news, unlike Sunday's big event, the end of daylight saving time.

In spite of the fact that daylight saving ends every year, for reasons we'll never be able to figure, our evening commute home is always plagued with bumper-to-bumper traffic as people apparently forget how to drive in the dark. Since we expect traffic to be bad, we'd better take off now.

See you next time!

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Where There's a Will, There's a Walter
By Dave Sikula
Thu, November 4, 2010, 12:01 am PDT

The golden mask of King Tut
"Curse you, King Tut!"
Thursday:

We trade in coincidence again today. For example, it's the birthdays of two of the most beloved and trusted men in American history: Will Rogers (1879) and Walter Cronkite (1916). Rogers began his show business career as a vaudevillian, performing rope tricks that were soon combined with pithy comments on the day's events. He became so popular that he was signed by producer Florenz Ziegfeld to be one of the stars of his annual "Follies." A film career followed, as did a national newspaper column and radio programs, where his opinions were noted for the common-sense truths behind the quips. When he was killed in an Alaskan plane crash in 1935, the nation went into mourning. His hometown of Claremore, Oklahoma, still celebrates him at its annual "Will Rogers Days," which begin today and continue through Saturday.

Cronkite began working on newspapers in high school, and translated his print journalism skills onto radio in the mid 1930s. During World War II, he served as a correspondent for the United Press, often reporting from combat zones. In 1950, he joined the news staff at CBS, and in 1962, became the managing editor and anchorman for the "CBS Evening News," where his unbiased and in-depth reporting of the day’s events won him the title of the "Most Trusted Man in America."

But that's not our only birthday coincidence. On this day in 1946, both Robert Mapplethorpe and Laura Bush were born – and it's hard to imagine two people who could be less alike. Mapplethorpe was a photographer who tried to find art and beauty in the obscene. While his works were condemned for their frank sexual content, it was (and is) hard to deny the beauty of their composition and execution. Laura Bush is the former first lady, who despite the many polarizing opinions her husband's administration sparked, was generally respected for her championship of children's health, education, and literacy. It would be hard to imagine two people less likely to be in the same room blowing out candles on a birthday cake, though.

And tomorrow will mark the 47th birthdays of actors Andrea McArdle and Tatum O'Neal, two women who, despite their starts at child actors, took differing career paths. O'Neal began acting early, turning in an Oscar-winning performance in "Paper Moon" by the age of 10. It's been mostly downhill for her since, though, as she's lived through a busted marriage and various addictions. She still acts, but not at the level she once promised. McArdle also began at the top, when at the age of 14, she was pulled from the chorus to star in the original production of the Broadway musical "Annie" (losing the Tony Award to her co-star Dorothy Louden, who played Annie's nemesis, Miss Hannigan). In the years since, she's worked on- and off-Broadway, touring the country in numerous musicals and plays (and is even currently playing Miss Hannigan in Long Beach, California).

We’re not through, though. Thursday is King Tut Day, commemorating the 1922 discovery of the lost tomb of the Pharaoh Tutankhamen by Egyptologist Howard Carter. The tomb itself was supposed to be cursed, meaning that all who dared to enter it would die horrible deaths, but of the 58 people who were present at the tomb's opening, only eight had died by 1934 – and Carter himself lived until 1939. So much for that "coincidence."

Finally, it's National Candy Day, and if you overindulge, you're likely to meet your dentist – not so coincidentally.

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