Just stop freakin' swearing already, gosh darn it! (Photo by Bill Barber) Like most parents of toddlers, I'm amazed as I watch my daughter learn to speak and understand words. And like many other parents, I've been wondering exactly when I need to stop swearing, lest my child end up sounding like a David Mamet character. I don't want her to be banned from the playground for teaching other tots salty talk. But how the H-E-double-hockeysticks does someone go about eliminating all of those naughty, colorful words from their vocabulary -- especially when they're so freakin' fun to use? In writing, there's the ever-handy grawlix -- that jumble of #@*&% symbols that denotes swearing in comics -- but that's not very helpful when someone cuts you off in traffic or the umpire makes an especially bad call. Online advice suggests a few solutions. For example, just stop using profanity altogether. Just like that. While this might be the polite and proper solution, it's not for me. I don't exactly swear like George Carlin, but I do relish the occasional well-placed expletive. Also, I'm a klutz, and when I stub my toe I need to blurt something a bit stronger than "ow." Another option is to replace curse words with euphemisms. Some opt for watered-down versions of the strong stuff, but gosh darn it, that just feels hecka silly to me. Others use nonsense words as swear-proxies. My grandmother used "sheesh" and "foof" as smurf-style all-purpose replacement words which could be used as any part of speech. (I used to think she said them when she'd forgotten the word she meant, but I'm beginning to wonder if she used to swear like a longshoreman in the days before she had kids. Foof yeah, Granny!) Made-up curses like "frak" may be more satisfying to say than "fudge" or "fooey," but I have a feeling that phrases like "What the frak?" would be just as unpopular at preschool as the real thing. The whole process of profanity-replacement makes me feel like a movie censor, adapting R-rated movies for network TV ("Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon!"). Maybe I should just do what they do, and not care that the new phrases don't make sense. If people don't like my surreal semi-swears, I'll just tell all those monkey-fighting melon-farmers and fairy godmothers to shut the front door. Suggested Sites... How to Stop Swearing Like A Sailor - assuming you're not actually a sailor. Swearing Around Kids - members of a parents' forum share their thoughts. No Cussing Club - an anti-profanity movement started by an expletive-hating 14-year-old. Cleaning Up My Act - Joseph Epstein's account of trying to stop swearing. Mamapedia: Bad Words - moms offer stories and advice about sweary kids.

Directory categories: Swearing, Words and Wordplay, Parenting, Parenting Humor

Archived under: Children, Etiquette, In Character, Parenting, Profanity, Society and Culture, Swearing, Words

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