You've got to give Guy Fawkes credit. Even after being tortured, he still signed his confession with a fake name. "Remember, remember the 5th of November, gunpowder, treason, and plot...." Now, most readers of The Spark will be more than familiar with the traditional British festival of Guy Fawkes Day, but as the only current Spark contributor from the Sceptred Isle, I feel it falls to me on this most gruesome of days to set the record straight a little on this most macabre and sinister cultural event. Now, don’t get me wrong, I abhor the way the PC brigade, however well-intentioned, continually assaults our freedom to celebrate religious events for fear of offending those who may not share their particular values. However, I feel with Guy Fawkes the PC movement’s efforts should be doubled and rewarded with considerable financial backing. As I have aged and had children of my own, I have had to reassess what the event really means, and let me tell you, it sits in stark contrast to what I thought it meant 25 years ago. Take a look at this: Guy Fawkes Day What it meant to me then: A fun family evening when communities come together to share the experiences of good company, good food, and pretty fireworks. What it means to me now: The bloodthirsty Protestant glorification of the violent torture and execution of a Catholic dissident. Let me tell you, King James I and the practice of hanging, drawing, and quartering made Dick Cheney and water-boarding look a party game for kids. Anyone questioning my views on this should visit the town of Lewes, where the annual bonfire celebrations routinely include hooded torch-wielding enthusiasts burning effigies of the Pope with wanton abandon. Penny for the Guy What it meant to me then: A wholesome childhood activity that kept us off the streets, taught us the value of recycling, and put a few extra pennies in our pockets. What it means to me now: The building -- by children -- of an effigy of a minority political activist with the express intent of burning it publically. Seriously, what is the lesson here? And why do we get kids to do it? The Bonfire What it meant to me then:  Staring in wonder at the gigantic imposing inferno, just close enough to feel your cheeks, palms, and synthetic clothing fibers tingle; a rare chance to be face-to-face with the most deadly of elements. What it means to me now: A holocaust for hedgehogs. As the bonfire is slowly constructed in the days leading up to Guy Fawkes Night, the desperately cute (although undeniably stupid) hedgehog -- in perhaps one of Mother Nature’s cruelest of practical jokes -- is looking for a safe, cozy spot for winter hibernation. He sees the bonfire. He enters the bonfire. One can only imagine the inter-hedgehog conversations nationwide as the flames and smoke engulf them: "It’s a bit warm in here, isn’t it?" So what is the government doing to stop this egregious chain of events? Aside from painfully patronizing public information announcements about fireworks and bonfires being dangerous and hot -- nothing at all. So the message is loud and clear: Relive the persecution of Catholics, let your children burn their effigies freely, and rub salt into the mortal wounds of a man who has already been more than adequately punished and vilified... just try to be safe while you do it. Suggested Sites... The Gunpowder Plot Society - a comprehensive rundown of who, what, why, and where. The British Government Site - exactly how does Mr. Brown explain this one away? Guy Fawkes-Related Activities in York - the City of York appears desperate to claim one of its own. Lewes Bonfire Council - a real must-see for Medieval enthusiasts. The Fire Bridge Guy Fawkes Safety Page - how to avoid any unpleasantries on "Maim a Catholic" Day.

Directory categories: Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes Night, The Gunpowder Plot, UK Parliament, English History

Archived under: Assassinations, Conspiracies, Crime, Fireworks, Guy Fawkes Day, History, Holidays, London, U.K. History, United Kingdom

Post a comment (0) | Email this posting